


I will leave you

by Herzblatt



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Collage party, M/M, Mild Smut, Oikawas POV, One Night Stands, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, POV Third Person, Pining, Unbeta'd, University, angsty angst, for once it's not Ushijima who has a crush( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), paranoid Oikawa, ushioi - Freeform, vague smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-05 03:59:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10296956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herzblatt/pseuds/Herzblatt
Summary: A disturbing peace filled Oikawa while he was trying to remind his body that oxygen wasn't some optional choice but something he needed to reclaim his composure.He never wanted this feeling, which he couldn't describe any different than as blasphemy not indifferent to powerlessness.He wished the bitternis in his mouth along with his dignity back the very moment the man in front of him longed out for him to take his body in his arms.He needed his absolute disgust for this man like the air he was breathing, it was a mere part of his being - his life - but of course Ushijima took even this little part of his self from him.He denied him his bitternes with the same cruelty with which he always denied him this one victory he had dreamed of the past six years.OR: the University!AU oneshot with the angsty one night stand, noone asked for.





	

#  I will leave you 

„Let's leave.“  
The sentence seemed to be formed of the usual bluntness, which clung to all of Ushijimas words and made it impossible for Oikawa to like this man even one bit.  
Ushijima always seemed to be straight forward, he didn't cover his words in sheets, didn't try to lie to avoid certain situations that weren't too pleasant. Bluntness seemed to be his number one character trait and Oikawa sensed a migraine crawling up his  
spine while raising one of his brows to show his distaste about that suggestion.  
„With you? Why would I want that, Ushiwaka-chan?“ Oikawas voice was ruled by the playful sweetness that had the ability to equally pacify as well as to cut deep with its sharpe edges and mean accusations.  
„Where would you want to go in the first place? It's a bit late for practice, isn't it?“  
Ushijima stared at him as if he spoke a foreign language or didn't get the easiest logic, let alone the humor, on his part.  
„To my place.“ Oikawa hated the way Ushijima looked at him with his brows furrowed in confusion while he explained himself with a simplicity that should be forbidden and this voice so rough and dark, that it seemed to reach deeper levels of the setters body than it should ever had. Contrary to his recent actions and complains Oikawas found himself only minutes later leaving the party after muttering some kind of a goodbye to the rest of their team. His body seemed to have made the choice for him. Everything he did felt like he acted based on some kind of autopilot and gave the control of his actions completely out of hand. 

The air outside was chilly and for the mere glimpse of a second Oikawa regretted not bringing a proper jacket besides their light team jersey. The world seemed to be ripped of its own angles and rules while reality dissociated with every step they took. Both of them walked in silence and just for a moment Oikawa hoped that Ushijima would change his mind. A part of the brunette hoped that he would simply make fun of him for following him so easily. He wanted to be laughed at for how easy he changed his mind and agreed to spend some time somewhere less crowded' when anybody knew what that meant.  
A part of Oikawa hoped that Ushijima would change his mind.  
For his own sake.

They headed to Ushijimas apartment since it's been located closer to the clubroom where they celebrated their first victory of the season minutes ago. The frontdoor was closed and shut out the world together with all the sense that should stop them from doing something stupid they would regret in the morning. But the ace didn't change his mind and Oikawa found himself hating the man in front of him even more.  
The sound of a key turning in its lock and the mumbling of a blunt invitation to come inside teared the setter back to reality. A little uneasy he entered the dormroom, which looked, beside the same ground plan, nothing like his own. No colorful posters painted the walls, no shelves were filled with collector editions of star wars, alien or other things that were actually fun. No – Ushijimas apartment perfectly mirrored the tall mans personality: besides a few plants that decorated his window ledge the room was rather boring and still far from ordinary. Oikawa couldn't help but wondered how anyone could feel at home inside these walls at all. 

The first kiss they shared should have been awkward, it always is, but to the surprise of the brunette it wasn't at all. Oikawa didn't know what it should have felt like when his lips brushed against the soft ones of the ace, but he was certain that it shouldn't feel this natural. It shouldn't feel so normal and common to kiss the man you swore to hate with all your heart – but it did. It felt good beyond a point no other kiss ever even reached. Their lips only faintly touched – as if Ushijima was trying to make sure, that Oikawa hadn't kissed him back by mistake before deepening the kiss. Excitement crawled up the setters spine, as he was trying to find anything to hold on while his head started spinning brutally. Hands reached out to gently hold his waist in place while Ushijima leaned down only a little bit to be able to press Oikawas whole front against himself.  
The setter knew he was poisonous , he knew that he would tear the chemistry their team had apart by breaking Ushijimas heart. And he was sure that he had the power to do so. Not only did he know that he was extremly staggering – no also various sources told him that the spiker had a thing for him ever since their time in middle school, even Iwaizumi seemed to have noticed it by time. Oikawa clearly remember how his best friend had frowned while he asked him if he had ever noticed the looks Ushijima was giving him. Oikawa knew he would mess this whole thing up like he always messed up his relationships. But this wasn't a relationship. This wasn't even the start of one, he reassured himself. This was nothing both of them would talk about again.  
This situation was clearly born out of poor decisions and the drunk state Ushijima was currently in.  
Oikawa felt himself tripping over his own hectical thoughts while he moved his lips and clung to the taller man who moved both of them through the little apartment.  
'Why?' the question clung to the last part of sanity, that the setter still had access to. The feeling in his chest evolved like a field of flowers that experienced its first spring. The wave of emotions that overwhelmed him drove through every very fiber of his body, passing his trembling hands up to his flushed cheeks. The tight feeling constantly tug on his sanity, while it was trying to scare away the bitternis that filled his mouth up to this point.  
He didn't want this.  
Not because of such a light touch.  
Not because of such a simple kiss, or the one that followed. Not because of such a trivia of a mindless one night stand that would mean nothing to them. 

A disturbing peace filled Oikawa while he was trying to remind his body that oxygen wasn't some optional choice but something he needed to reclaim his composure.  
He never wanted this feeling, which he couldn't describe any different than as blasphemy not indifferent to powerlessness.  
He wished the bitternes in his mouth along with his dignity back the very moment the man in front of him longed out for him to take his body in his arms. He needed his absolute disgust for this man like the air he was breathing, it was a mere part of his being - his life - but of course Ushijima took even this little part of his self from him. He denied him his bitternis with the same cruelty with which he always denied him this one victory he had dreamed of the past six years.

He never wanted the blooming sensation that grapped him ever since he first tossed to the Ace. He hated the feeling of completeness he witnessed ever since they first played on the same side of the net in an official match. He hated the pure bliss he experienced the minute they won the last set. He never wanted the urge to hug the taller one like the rest of his team did. He never wanted to feel himself shudder under the touch of the Spiker. He never wanted the gentleness with which Ushijima touched him right now. He might even told him that in between the sheets only to have his request ignored and to hear another apology filled with nothing else but affection. He never wanted to hear his own voice moaning his name while his mind was spinning and his body nearly broke under the pleasure the ace was offering him.  
He never wanted any of this.  
While trying to concentrate on the cold feeling on the parts of his skin that Ushijima wasnt touching the brunette sank his teeth into the inside of his cheek, welcoming the taste of iron. The copper taste of blood was the closest thing to bitternes that this disgusting flowting feeling, that took hold of the beating muscle in his chest, would allow him to have. But after some time even the blood began to taste like the sweetness of some freshly brewed tea of the flowers that very graphically filled up the space between his bones and skin.

He hated it.

All he ever wanted was to regain the one thing he still had from his past self: his bitternes. His hate. His rivality with this man.  
The absolute worst thing about the situation was that Oikawa was pretending to be just as drunk as the man lying next to him, who probably knew that it was all a lie, since he never left his side during this evening.  
He was always pretending.  
He was pretending while Ushijima was always so honest. Honest enough to tell him beforehand that this was a bad idea – honest enough to reconsider every step in fear of hurting him when he shouldn't be. He should have been a blunt, rude mess after all the stuff he drowned himself in during their celebration of their first victory together. Oikawa had witnessed how many shots he took because some of their upperclassmen offered him some booze he never saw before and Ushijima had considered it rude to decline. He should have been a drunk asshole like every other guy the setter followed home after a party like this in the past. But he wasn't and Oikawa tried very hard to bring himself to hate him even more for that very fact.

While fingers brushed over his collarbone Oikawa couldn't help but think about the feeling of how freshly ripped petals would feel while they rained down on him. The mere touch the dark haired man leaning above him was giving him stripped the tight grip around his heart away from him and left him alone in the darkness of his mind, which only seemed to be occupied with the picture of some stupid flowers.

Oikawa sincerely wished he was drunk.  
Drunkness would have made everything easier. Alcohol would at least have offered him a reason for the foggy sensation in his mind as well as an excuse in the morning for why this all happened in the first place. If he was honest to himself he knew he was drunk but he also knew that he didn't lay just one finger on a single drink that night. He was drunk on something forbidden he could not name, while he layed naked underneath the spiker and drowned in something else besides the pleasure that filled him up together with the feeling of Ushijima thrusting into him.

„I will leave you.“ his own voice sounded distant and foreign to him while he spoke. The gaze of brown eyes watched the sun rise behind the small window of the small apartment while he spoke. The night was over and still the smell of sex clung to the room like a cruel reminder of what happened. He should leave while he still had the chance to avoid an awkward awakening next to Ushijima out of all people. His words were echoing in the silence of the bedroom while Oikawas body refused to follow his own orders. He should stand up - get up – get away. - far away.  
„I will leave you.“ another fruitless attempt of a reassurance left his brittle lips. Another desperate attempt of a promise he gave himself while turning around in bed to face the peaceful face of a sleeping man he swore to himself he would hate with all his heart.  
Ushijima couldn't hear him, couldn't feel the slight touch his fingers were accusing while he stroked just the tips of them over the sharp cheekbones infront of him just to test the waters. Subconsciously Oikawas hand traced lightly over the body in front of him until finding its place resting on Ushijimas abs. He shouldn't be lying on the bed of the only guy, that ever drove him up to a point of frustration that made him cry for hours, circling his skin with his fingertips like a lovedrunk fool.  
Because he wasn't all that.  
He could never love a person like Ushijima.  
Nevertheless was it unfair how this view made the setters heart skip a beat or two in situations when it really shouldn't affect him at all. After all this meant nothing. Oikawa shivered. The sleeping spiker could not possible witness anything that happened right know, not after he sank away in his deep sleep that seemed to came over him like a wave since he didn't even felt the need to cover his naked body with the blanket pooling at his feet. It didn't mean anything so it shouldn't hurt to say it.  
But it definitly did.  
„I will always leave you.“  
The salty taste of regret filled the brunettes mouth while he, against the voice of good reason in his mind, took the blanket from the ground next to the bed and layed down next to the taller man. His legs entagled perfectly with Ushijimas and even the rest of his body seemed to perfectly fit against the broad shoulders of the ace while Oikawa allowed himself to close his eyes. He never slept next to another person - besides Iwaizumi when they were kids – and even those times were long gone, he really shouldn't start to make exceptions now.  
It shouldn't feel so naturally. It shouldn`t be so easy to fall asleep next to each other. But it was. 

He would leave him.  
Inevitably. 

Just not today.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first try at a oneshot/fanfiction/anything more than a 100words drabble on tumblr -  
> in addition to that english isn't my first language so please have mercy on my potato soul (-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩___-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩)
> 
> The only reason I gathered up the courage to actually upload this is because UshiOi consumed my soul.  
> (srsly - I'm drowning in this hell for almost a year now) - and reading (and loving!) all the works in the tag here just wasn't enough anymore.  
> I figured I wanted to give it a try to convert a scene from my roleplay into this oneshot!  
> So I hope you enjoy this mess! ｡ﾟ･（>﹏


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